The digital, virtual I-Ching stones told him this morning that the lava lake beside the mountain was rumbling, that he was struggling with an obstacle that he could easily walk around, and that his biggest battle was within himself. This is basically what I told him last night, sitting on the edge of the bed, having come up to apologize because I was pissed because he's been so unhappy (and not doing anything about it for another evening) and so did not kiss him good night. Well, I didn't mention a "lava lake" - those eastern metaphors . . . He was amazed - how did the virtual I-Ching stones know? He knows how these things work - that every card, every stone pattern, whatever, is applicable and has good advice that anyone can manipulate and formulate into their own daily being. But, I ran with it. I told him he should read more about Zen Buddhism. He had found the I-Ching page on a "stumble" - an add-on in the Firefox browser. It must be a morning routine: coffee, smoke, sit at the desk, stumble. I've been telling him for years: please, just try to enjoy your day. And it only comes across as pompous - I know nothing of his hell.

Today, I have a check-up meeting with a professor to run over the to-do list of my summer assistantship, then I'm basically free. I don't have as much done on his little website, the e-mail list, the ads, etc. as I had intended to have done. I could blame the loss of materials on my last laptop crash (which would be TRUE). BUT, we all know what I've been doing: promoting my journal and keeping an eager eye on it, waiting for positive reviews, e-mails, etc., gathering the incoming submissions for Issue #02, planning and waiting for tomorrow.

Planning and waiting for tomorrow is exactly what I told him we need not do. I don't want to live for retirement - what a western concept. I suggested that he start a blog, a place to write (which is a "hobby" that he's upheld far longer than he ever did the hobbies of archery, leather-stamping, or drawing). This got me thinking about writing (I always wander away from our conversations like this) and why there are so many unread and barely viewed blogs in the "world" . . . how we're all attempting to communicate and hoping that a few people will pop in and read. How several of the stories I've read of late feel disconnected, removed from the point of communication, jumbled, purposefully confusing, removed from the concept of "touch." "Touch" makes us feel too open, too violated - maybe? And we have been taught to be cautionary. I miss my confessional poetry. I wonder what someone will tag for this wedge of the century (post-confessional? de-postmodernism? flatulent-ism? --ha ha).

So . . . I checked on my virtual Osho Zen Tarot for the hell of it. I've got ten minutes before I need to shower. One card for the day. Of course, it fit. The advice is good. It's not quite meditation. I know this. I want to say that it's a good way to "waste" a morning, but then I detach myself from the moment, neglect the "journey," don't I? So, instead, I tell myself that, later, when I'm in the shower, when I'm driving the mini-van to Muncie, when I'm trying to figure out what the hell to feed the kids, when the puppy is whining and driving me nuts, when I'm folding laundry, when I'm checking the stats for my site again, I will stop and smile and just "be there," but, all the while, I'll likely still be thinking "I should be . . . "

Life is a continuity always and always. There is no final destination it is going towards. Just the pilgrimage, just the journey in itself is life, not reaching to some point, no goal--just dancing and being in pilgrimage, moving joyously, without bothering about any destination. What will you do by getting to a destination? Nobody has asked this, because everybody is trying to have some destination in life. But the implications... If you really reach the destination of life, then what? Then you will look very embarrassed. Nowhere to go...you have reached to the final destination--and in the journey you have lost everything. You had to lose everything. So standing naked at the final destination, you will look all around like an idiot: what was the point? You were hurrying so hard, and you were worrying so hard, and this is the outcome.

Osho Rinzai: Master of the Irrational Chapter 7
Commentary (on the card "Traveling"):
The tiny figure moving on the path through this beautiful landscape is not concerned about the goal. He or she knows that the journey is the goal, the pilgrimage itself is the sacred place. Each step on the path is important in itself. When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much. The Traveling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.



(I almost wrote "I want to be ready for the 'new'", but, then, I suppose it's already here, isn't it? Then I just turn it into a new task: I want to be ready when the "new" becomes concrete, but, then, I suppose it's concrete enough. My words are either real enough or not real at all.)